Seriously. I think I might just take her to the doctor and insist they fix her! I am not sure if she is the defective one or if I just completely suck as a parent but somethings gotta give.
What may you ask is the problem?
TEMPER TANTRUMS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!
Gillian gave up napping a couple weeks ago. Whatever, she's four now and I can accept it. When she was napping, she would go to sleep that night until 10 pm or so and that was annoying. So, fine. She still has AT LEAST an hour of "quiet" time in her room with the door closed. The only problem is is that she still just isn't getting enough sleep and that turns her into a MONSTER!
She has turned defiant and just down right mean! Icould tell you about the incident at Target or after school every day but I won't...too depressing. I don't even know what to do with her. Seriously, I am at a loss. The thing that makes it worse is that this whole song and dance is for me. She is great at school (until I pick her up) and she does great at church (thanks in large part to the Lott's...thank you SO much) and even Jake she is great for. I realize that Gillian and I are a lot alike and that I have a great deal to do with her reactions and escalating these "episodes". Still, I can't help but think if I don't get a handle on this now by the time hormones into the equation I won't have any option but to send her to boarding school....although, that might not be a bad idea...hehe...(insert evil laugh here)...
So, feel free to lay down your knowledge on me. Tell me if you think I suck, I can take it. I truly believe that you are your own worst critic. I know I am to blame I just want to figure this out because it is getting too emotional around here and Jake and Lincoln need a reprieve. Thanks for whatever you have to offer.
8 comments:
oh i wish i could say something that would magically make it all better... all i know is that you definitely don't suck as a mom. you're a great mom! and gillian thinks so too... if fact, she thinks you're so good that she's testing you to your outer limits! :) this too shall pass... but in the meantime, if you ever need to talk, give me a call or stop by! :)
So, when my little ones have tantrums, we do time outs, where ever we are. And I mean where ever. I gave Page a time out at Macy's once in the corner near the dressing rooms. I completely ignore everybody else and smile even. Knowing that they can't get to you really drives them nuts. Gillian is tough, she can be willful but be strong. and consistent. and don't say anything that you won't actually do.
and I think your fabulous.
good luck! no advise, sorry... just sympathy.
you could always beat her. or i've heard you can hit them in the mouth with a leg of lamb. i saw that on an andy griffith show!
no i'm just kidding. i'm not really sure. i know that with my mom and all of us girls (6 total) my mom just always sent us to our room and took away our "fun" priviledges. you could just look at it this way...at least you don't have twins. does that help? i'm sure i'm just making it all worse!!!! oh you're a great mom and she'll grow up one of these days and know it too!
"one day at a time" that's my real advice.
soap in the mouth works too. i know from experience.
denise
I don't know what to say...I love you! I have done random punishments to make my kids straighten up...you could try making her sit on the floor on her knees with her arms above her head until she is almost dead...Or I once wrapped all my kids in duct tape (individually) until they knew that they could not act like that (also until they unwound themselves which was pretty funny to watch)
ummm I don't know...maybe give her some responsibility...like washing the dishes or vacuuming...something that would keep her busy but also get out some aggression. I seriously don't know.
We use the 'loose your fun privilege' (like bed time stories, movie privilege, etc) like Denise said but it doesn't solve all our problems. Hannah can be such a firecracker I honestly try to survive one day at a time. I'm sure it's just the tantrum age...but it is wicked to live with!
Clearly, I have no idea what the exact problem is...I have no doubt that you are a fantastic mother. I know sometimes for me, I get so worn down that when little things pop up, I react worse than if it had happened under normal circumstances. Does that make sense?
Any way, here are my suggestions:
Read, "How to talk so kids will listen, and how to listen so kids will talk" it is aimed at an older age group I think, but there are some activities that can be applicable.
When Sadie is going nuts, I look for the trigger (tired, hungry, hasn't had enough snuggles or one on one mommy time) and do what I can to stay a head of the storm. Also, I have had a mommy/daughter date when things get rough just to reconnect and be silly with out daddy and brother.
My kid needs projects to keep her happily busy. We make her simple chores (like sorting clothes, putting silverware away, picking a toy to share with brother, feeding the dog, starting the dryer...) a game (chores written on paper cut out into shapes with a paper clip attached and a pole with a magnet) and she loves to do them every day. I just try to have a project ready when she needs something constructive to do.
I say "no" as little as possible. Not that my kids get what ever they want, I just talk backwards. It takes a lot of thought, but instead of, "Don't push your brother down" I say, "be soft to Joe Joe" or "get of the table" turns into "keep your feet on the ground please" focusing on what she CAN do. I also try and catch her doing good things as much as possible. "I love that you are helping your brother eat applesauce!" Being specific, and turning a blind eye to the mess, focusing on the intention she has, not the results of her efforts.
Obedience has been an issue with Sadie. We have a cute decorated jar on our table called, "obedience jar" and when she does what she is asked, she gets to put a large marshmallow in it. When it is full, I will take her to the dollar store to get a toy. Is about 1/3 full now. I don't use it as a bribe, "if...then..." or take things out if she is not obedient, I am only interested in her doing what she is asked the first time, so that is what gets rewarded.
Pick one behavior you want to modify at a time to tackle negative behavior, and remember, you may not begin to see results for up to 6 weeks of constant behavior modification. Hang in there!
Ok, totally don't want to come off as a know it all, I am NOT, but mother to mother of a little girl, I know how hard it can be, and if any of my ramblings help, then I am willing to take that risk.
Good luck, and let me know what happens!
Erin Witters
I'm sorry. I can imagine how very frustrating that is. I don't have the mom discipline thing but I could throw out some suggestions from teaching. But I think I'll email you, in case my babbling gets out of control. Until then, good luck! I'm sure you are doing a great job even if it's frustrating right now. (I really agree with the things Erin said too.) Love ya!!
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